A war in Ukraine will not primarily take place on the streets, but in the digital realm, where a global army has now mobilized with memes and high tech to do what would be most horrific, also a hilarious spectacle, At least for the moment.
Sir, our war plans are on Reddit, should we change them? What, what sub???
Only the next day, Russian President Vladimir Putin joked: what, did they also publish the time of the invasion?
In this case, they did. The Daily Mirror claimed it would start at 3am Kyiv time with “missiles and tanks”.
The live streams aired in major cities across Ukraine with 7,000 people watching Kyiv at any given time. In addition to Kharkiv and other cities, the flight radar, now the train radar, soon enough real-time car traffic, maybe the energy grid and who knows if everything has become real, maybe even real-time telephone signals.
Not to miss the opportunity, some took to the livestream to play the anthem. Someone flew a drone. Presumably it says Ukraine Slava Glory Ukraini, but we assume it says buy bitcoin.
What is this plane? O look at the one who flies to Moscow. Rupture: the plane flies. It’s a drone?
It’s unclear if the internet is the government now. The troops are withdrawn, no no they are reinforced. Look at the trains leaving. Look, they’re building a bridge.
For a real man, we didn’t go invade – Putin. Nah nah you invade and we went ‘massive consequences’ you – Biden. Remove your troops – Boris. Our cuntreh while NATO foreign troops – some with no official Russian name. What, even Belarus and Kazakhstan, or Georgia, Moldova, Syria, Armenia, Libya, Mali – no one for some reason, because then it establishes a false equivalence by making NATO look like a an occupying force like Russia clearly is in all of these countries, rather than a consensual defense alliance that you can join or leave as you please.
In what direction will the people of the world go? “I know the nuffin man, I’m here for the jokes” – fake viewer.
The number of live viewers should increase “like s**tcoins” by 10-10,000 times if the missiles fly – that’s not a real headline.
Sources claim that Putin no longer demands an extension of the Livestream to their borders. They even have a Russian town that lives all day, a source said. And then: live streams of troops training, we usually had a verbal agreement that we weren’t considering this live stream so close to Moscow?
There are real concerns, says this source, selfies of soldiers could one day be splashed on reddit’s homepage, there could be nudes!
The horror. It might be the smallest detail on anyone’s mind if anything happens as every little thing will be streamed live starting with the pre-show on our bitcoin which should react first to any order, it- even giving commands in turn to the Internet.
That’s why probably nothing will happen. Putin can take on Ukraine, though they’re holding their own, not without too many problems, and maybe even take on Biden, but he can’t take on the Internet.
Early signs of obsession are already being detected among a new breed called ‘atistes’ who think they’re in an episode of South Park and are transitioning from ordinary qubicles to the modern army ‘we’ve stopped the war’ .
Equipped with the latest cutting-edge technology that even the GRU probably doesn’t have, you can imagine Elon Musk getting involved in an airlift from Starlink to every Ukrainian so the livestream won’t be stopped because internet sovereignty will not be negotiated and there will be no veto from Putin on our Reddit, and also because Putin should have taken this Discord call proposed by Musk.
As the tanks roll, the internet memes will intensify, raising this very 21st century question: Can there really be war in our time?
You’d think no, when the internet cares about saying no anyway. Not in Europe and not when it’s so decided in a pure and simple classic fight of freedom against dictates.
“I am not in favor of wars of conquest,” said a real Russian audience member. So the world is with Ukraine, well, except for Israel, which wouldn’t sell them Iron Dome.
Even China is probably not with Russia. At worst, they will ignore everything that happens unless Germany orders them to pull the strings, or there is no European market.
Because if this is attention now you can imagine there will be people in every square in every city demanding an end if anything happens with the unwinnable information war in this case, except by the people of course.
So keep remembering peace until the two donkeys agree that the troops are leaving. An exercise that is clearly costing Putin and Russia not just in money, but in global reputation as he is now the butt of jokes.